Facial hair raises strong emotions. What’s on your chin – and what isn’t – defines who you are and what you stand for. Sprout a few wisps of hair under your nose and you become a member of the Mustache Corps. Leave the stubble beneath your mouth to roam free and you’re suddenly an official Beardie. Go through life clean-shaven and you develop a curious mistrust of anyone hairier than you.
In the same way that football fans passionately love their own team and detest the opposition, you need to take sides. Are you prepared to make a statement with your upper lip? Prove it by brushing your teeth regularly and baring them at anyone who dares to question what you’re growing on your upper jaw. Being a Mustachio involves looking down your nose at lesser tribes, and you can admire your topiary every time you do so.